Cable TV.

    Yeah, I saw the flinching, I heard the groans. We all know and hate the stereotypes… The long hours waiting for installation, billing cycles based on the Mayan calendar, customer service from mighty Lucifer and pricing courtesy of the mafia.

    I’ve never felt good about cable, and now digital cable and digital cable HD…. And the soon-to-be digital cable HDD+ with the ear bleeds built in. I constantly feel like I’m being punished when calling customer service about a problem with something that I am clearly paying for… Like I’M to blame for the blocking on channel 2 and 6, or the flames flickering from my “DVR”.

    Well, no more! Today, we made the switch… To cable Internet!

    (Music crescendos and then falls off into a bad High School marching band squeak)

    Yes, I know that having just Internet service and not TV from the same company destroys my previous rant, but I needed a column at 10:25pm. JUST… Indulge me.

    ANYWAY, we decided to shed the shackles of cable TV and put all of our entertainment eggs in the magical Internet basket. And how did we accomplish this lofty and freeing goal? Why, with a Mac, of course! See what I did there, Macgasmites? How I brought the whole thing full circle-jerk to our favorite splooge-inducing fruit of technological ecstasy?

    Watch and learn, oh iPhoned grasshoppers of titanium love.

    To quote the great Homer Simpson, “They have the Internet on computers, now.” And the Internet now has TV on the computers… now. Thanks to services like, Boxee and the very strange and 80’s layout-inspired Joost, you can pretty much get all the TV you want, on demand and for free.

    Side note: If you happen to find yourself in payment withdrawals because of your recent release from the blood sucking cable company, there are pay-TV services like… And just about every respectable high- quality porn network. However, if you really have a need to throw your money out the window, let me know when and where. I have a wheel barrel that needs money filling.

    So, what’s the equipment setup, you ask? Easy -peasey, Apple pacifiers! I used a stock Mac mini with wireless keyboard and mouse, hooked via AV cables to a flat screen… You actually don’t even need a flat screen ““ if you don’t mind never getting laid again. Your cable-ready TV built in the last five years will usually suffice and Apple makes a neat little adapter for the av cables, so hook up is a cinch.

    Once you hook up to your high-speed Internet connection, there are several free services that offer an all in one type service, threading many Internet TV services into one, big buttoned, brightly colored romper room of viewing pleasure. The aforementioned Boxee and Hulu are my favs. I’m sure there are several other, similar services, but I’m not a tech reviewer and you’re not paying me, so let those magical fingers do the Google walking.

    Screw the cable company, while throwing rocks at the big, corporate windows that YOU bought! Unnnless you use their Internet service, in which case, send them a drunken rant on a cocktail napkin with your next check.

    Yours in bucking the system for a higher quality couch time,

    Corey “FRS” Pandolph

    Corey is a syndicated cartoonist, comedy writer and fabled alter-ego of the Fake Rockstar. He's also a regular contributor to the humor site Drink at and Mad Magazine. Corey likes whiskey, dogs and pie. His guitar is a Fender… Full Bio